{"id":3453,"date":"2019-06-19T09:27:53","date_gmt":"2019-06-19T13:27:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/nacacadmitted.wpengine.com\/wordpress\/?p=3453"},"modified":"2019-08-08T06:06:49","modified_gmt":"2019-08-08T10:06:49","slug":"the-six-words-about-college-that-disappoint-parents-most","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/admitted.nacacnet.org\/wordpress\/index.php\/2019\/06\/19\/the-six-words-about-college-that-disappoint-parents-most\/","title":{"rendered":"The Six Words About College That Disappoint Parents Most"},"content":{"rendered":"

Editor\u2019s note: This essay\u00a0<\/a>was first published on\u00a0<\/em>Counselors\u2019 Corner<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

I had a chance to discuss the bigger world of college admission with some local counselors at a recent college breakfast, where admission officers from five colleges gave us brief updates on life at their campuses.\u00a0 They opened up their presentation to questions at the end, and it\u2019s my habit to ask them about advice for parents\u2014if colleges could give one recommendation to the parents who have to watch their children apply to college, what would it be?<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve asked this question of many college admission officers over the years, and the response is always the same: Let the child drive the bus.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Long before the helicopter\/snowplow\/lawnmower parent, it was clear to colleges that many students were applying to college in name only.\u00a0 It was easier to tell this when all applications were filed on paper, since the handwriting of many students\u2014particularly the boys\u2014looked remarkably like that of their mothers\u2019.\u00a0 Most applications are online now, but that doesn\u2019t mean colleges can\u2019t sort out when parents have played too big a part in the application process.\u00a0 And according to most colleges, any part parents play in the completion of an application is too big a part.<\/p>\n

Colleges urge parents to let their child take charge of the application process for one simple reason\u2014it\u2019s the child who is going to college.\u00a0 A student who\u2019s \u201ctoo busy to apply\u201d (a favorite excuse parents use to fill out the form) is making a statement about what they\u2019ll be able to give to the college experience. And the student who\u2019s \u201ctoo shy to talk about themselves\u201d may get admitted thanks to the bolder tone of the essay a parent writes\u2014but that isn\u2019t the voice the college will hear in classroom discussions or in community activities.\u00a0 Colleges use the application to understand who they\u2019re getting if they say yes to the applicant, and they take plenty of shy or busy students.\u00a0 They just need to know that\u2019s who the student is.<\/p>\n

A second reason colleges want the student to own the college application process is because of the training it provides for college.\u00a0 Applying to college is typically more than just filling out a form.\u00a0 It\u2019s about conveying information, brainstorming essay topics, editing ideas, organizing others in the submission of teacher letters and transcripts, meeting deadlines, seeking help from a counselor on the direction of your college search, and honoring the integrity of the process by being honest in all of your answers.\u00a0 Since these are many of the same skills that will lead to successfully negotiating the college experience, the college application is a test drive of a big part of college.\u00a0 Your transcript may tell colleges you can pass tests, but your application is supposed to tell what the experience behind all that test-taking has taught you.<\/p>\n

This \u201cstudent first\u201d attitude is just as important in any communication with the college.\u00a0 Parents hoping the counselor will \u201cput in a good word\u201d for the student don\u2019t understand that colleges much prefer hearing from the student than from the counselor, and parents who pester the college admission office with questions are certainly making their child memorable, but in the wrong way.\u00a0 There\u2019s nothing wrong with speaking up for a student who may get lost in the shuffle, but assuming that\u2019s going to happen from the start speaks volumes about the parent\u2019s faith in their child, and in the college.\u00a0 They didn\u2019t become a state champion soccer player by having Mommy or Daddy kick the ball.\u00a0 Applying to college is no different.<\/p>\n

\"\"NACAC Past President Patrick O\u2019Connor is associate dean of college counseling at Cranbrook Schools (MI). He has served as president of the Michigan Association for College Admission Counseling and is the author of two books \u2014\u00a0<\/em>College Counseling for School Counselors: Delivering Quality, Personalized College Advice to Every Student on Your (Sometimes Huge) Caseload\u00a0and\u00a0<\/em>College is Yours 2.0: Preparing, Applying, and Paying for Colleges Perfect for You. You can read more from O\u2019Connor\u2019s on\u00a0<\/em>The Huffington Post<\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0<\/em>Counselors\u2019 Corner<\/a>\u00a0blog.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Editor\u2019s note: This essay\u00a0was first published on\u00a0Counselors\u2019 Corner. I had a chance to discuss the bigger world of college admission with some local counselors at a recent college breakfast, where admission officers from five colleges gave us brief updates on life at their campuses.\u00a0 They opened up their presentation to questions at the end, and … Continue reading The Six Words About College That Disappoint Parents Most<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":3454,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3453","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-college-admission"],"featured_image_src":"https:\/\/admitted.nacacnet.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/BUS.jpg","featured_image_src_square":"https:\/\/admitted.nacacnet.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/BUS.jpg","author_info":{"display_name":"Patrick O'Connor","author_link":"https:\/\/admitted.nacacnet.org\/wordpress\/index.php\/author\/patrick-oconnor\/"},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/admitted.nacacnet.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/BUS.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/peWmJq-TH","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/admitted.nacacnet.org\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3453","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/admitted.nacacnet.org\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/admitted.nacacnet.org\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/admitted.nacacnet.org\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/12"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/admitted.nacacnet.org\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3453"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/admitted.nacacnet.org\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3453\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/admitted.nacacnet.org\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3454"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/admitted.nacacnet.org\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3453"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/admitted.nacacnet.org\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3453"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/admitted.nacacnet.org\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3453"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}