{"id":2705,"date":"2018-11-21T08:58:24","date_gmt":"2018-11-21T13:58:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/nacacadmitted.wpengine.com\/wordpress\/?p=2705"},"modified":"2019-06-19T09:30:40","modified_gmt":"2019-06-19T13:30:40","slug":"parents-before-you-yell-at-your-childs-school-counselor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/admitted.nacacnet.org\/wordpress\/index.php\/2018\/11\/21\/parents-before-you-yell-at-your-childs-school-counselor\/","title":{"rendered":"Parents: Before You Yell at Your Child\u2019s School Counselor"},"content":{"rendered":"
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iStock<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Editor\u2019s note: A version of post<\/a> was first published on\u00a0<\/em>Counselors\u2019 Corner<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

You\u2019ve worked so hard to schedule, prepare, and nudge your high school senior to apply to college on time. You shared that small thrill when they hit \u201csubmit\u201d with time to spare, and you thought you were all set.<\/p>\n

Until they got the e-mail.<\/p>\n

\u201cOur records indicate your application is incomplete. Unless we receive a copy of your high school transcript in the next five days, we will be unable to process your application.\u201d<\/p>\n

At this point, you\u2019ve decided this is personal, so even though it\u2019s 7 at night, you pick up the phone and leave The Mother of All Voice Mails for your school counselor.<\/p>\n

Boy, did you just blow it. Here\u2019s why:<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Your entire reaction is based on a wrong assumption.<\/strong> The college hasn\u2019t said \u201cForget it;\u201d they\u2019ve said, \u201cWe need something.\u201d You can help them get what they need. Was that voice mail helping the college? Was it helping your child?<\/p>\n

The college likely has the information.<\/strong> Even with advanced technology, admissions offices get backed up\u2014so the transcript might not be in your child\u2019s file, but it is in the college\u2019s application system somewhere. That means your high school counselor\u2014the one you just called incompetent\u2014sent the transcript, and in a timely fashion.<\/p>\n

If the college already has one copy of your transcript, they don\u2019t want another one.<\/strong> If the transcript is already in the college\u2019s system, they really don\u2019t want a second copy, since that would just increase their backlog. The only way to double check is for someone to call the admission office and see if the first copy has found its way to your child\u2019s file.<\/p>\n

You just berated the person who can help you the most.<\/strong> To be honest, the person who should call the college is your child (it\u2019s their application), but it\u2019s likely you want the school counselor to call. You know\u2014the one you just described as incapable of doing their job.<\/p>\n

This isn\u2019t to say they won\u2019t help you and give your child their full support, but if you\u2019ve just given them a big, and very angry, piece of your mind, you\u2019ve now put them in a spot where they need to start keeping a paper trail of your, um, complaint. That takes time; so does recovering from being told by someone who last applied to college 20 years ago that you don\u2019t know what you\u2019re doing. You want the problem resolved now, but you\u2019ve just prevented that from happening. Is that really a good idea?<\/p>\n

You\u2019ve just left an impression you can\u2019t erase<\/strong>. Let\u2019s say the transcript is already there, or that a second one is sent, making your child\u2019s file complete. The college is now considering your child carefully, but they\u2019d like a little more information about them. How does your child react to setbacks? How well do they speak up for themselves? Do they demonstrate flexibility?<\/p>\n

The person the college will be talking to is\u2014you guessed it\u2014the school counselor, who is now only able to extol the virtues of your child\u2019s ability to hand their problems over to Mommy and Daddy to solve, simply because that\u2019s what the counselor has experienced. This isn\u2019t about a grudge; this is about their experience.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s easy to freak out about the college admission process, but just because you can, it doesn\u2019t mean you should. That\u2019s even more true when challenges arise, and your child looks to you to set the model for handling adversity they should take with them to college. This assumes the college still wants them. Part of that is up to you.<\/p>\n

\"\"NACAC Past President Patrick O\u2019Connor is associate dean of college counseling at Cranbrook Schools (MI). He has served as president of the Michigan Association for College Admission Counseling and is the author of two books \u2014\u00a0<\/em>College Counseling for School Counselors: Delivering Quality, Personalized College Advice to Every Student on Your (Sometimes Huge) Caseload\u00a0and\u00a0<\/em>College is Yours 2.0: Preparing, Applying, and Paying for Colleges Perfect for You. You can read more from O\u2019Connor\u2019s on\u00a0<\/em>The Huffington Post<\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0<\/em>Counselors\u2019 Corner<\/a>\u00a0blog.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Editor\u2019s note: A version of post was first published on\u00a0Counselors\u2019 Corner. You\u2019ve worked so hard to schedule, prepare, and nudge your high school senior to apply to college on time. You shared that small thrill when they hit \u201csubmit\u201d with time to spare, and you thought you were all set. Until they got the e-mail. … Continue reading Parents: Before You Yell at Your Child\u2019s School Counselor<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2705","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-college-admission"],"featured_image_src":null,"featured_image_src_square":null,"author_info":{"display_name":"Patrick O'Connor","author_link":"https:\/\/admitted.nacacnet.org\/wordpress\/index.php\/author\/patrick-oconnor\/"},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/peWmJq-HD","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/admitted.nacacnet.org\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2705","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/admitted.nacacnet.org\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/admitted.nacacnet.org\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/admitted.nacacnet.org\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/12"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/admitted.nacacnet.org\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2705"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/admitted.nacacnet.org\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2705\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/admitted.nacacnet.org\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2705"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/admitted.nacacnet.org\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2705"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/admitted.nacacnet.org\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2705"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}